Speaker Christina Aldan
#CreateYourLuck
84 – Luckygirl: A Bite-Sized Podcast | VULNERABILITY – from the archives (episode 23)
Luckygirliegirl .
Christina Aldan is the CEO/founder of LG Designs (lgdesigns.co) and a digital media marketer who travels the world speaking to tech industry folks, entrepreneurs and female business owners.
Check out this episode!
We were having a conversation at the dinner table the other night and the topic of vulnerability came up. Often times, people think of vulnerability as a weak thing. One of my friends chimed in with his own experience:
“I realize something bout myself… I am really good at creating the space for people to feel safe, sometimes in ways that surprise them. Part of that is because I am willing to be vulnerable, but I realized there are things that I do that aren’t really vulnerable for ME to say. For example, I am not afraid to say I love you. And for other people, saying I love you could be considered vulnerable, but for ME it is not really a vulnerable thing for me, so even though the other person might PERCEIVE me as being vulnerable, I am not REALLY being vulnerable.”
This is an interesting point, I think, because it tells us that vulnerability is subjective. I mean, if I have a hard time sharing details of my troubled past, but then you are perfectly fine revealing the most personal bits of your troubled past, then I will absorb that shared information differently. Because I have such a high value on privacy in that area of my life. I am afraid of being perceived as weak or unstable, so I do not often speak of poor choices I have made in the past.
Which brings us back to the dinner table, where My other friend made the point that pure vulnerability is the strongest place you could come from. Because it simplifies everything down to your absolute truth. Because it removes all judgment.
And judgment can really do a whammy on one’s self-confidence. So for example, people might make off-handed comments that my stick with you for years to come.
Why are you wearing that?
What were you THINKING when you got that hair cut?
Small little comments like that might SEEM innocuous, but they can stick with you. I have had a few of those in my life… where Nobody but me remembers that it happened, but it definitely impacted me because I can remember it crystal clear, as if it was yesterday. People just need to be more mindful of the ways that they communicate. 1) One way to do that is to be completely vulnerable and in-the-moment when you are communicating with others. Give them your focused attention to let them know you are present and aware of their situation and circumstances. This applies not only to the times when you are having a serious conversation with someone, but also when you are having a candid, casual conversation with them. And look, I know I don’t attain this as often as I’d like to. How many times have I looked at my phone while someone was speaking with me? How many times have I interrupted another person because what I had to say was so much more important than listening to what they were saying? It’s one thing if I am in a group of girlfriends and we are all yakkity yakking excitedly and interrupting each other, but it is another thing entirely to interrupt someone when you should be practicing active listening.
Another way to be more mindful in the way we communicate, is to reframe what the person has said. If you reflect back to that person, in your own words, they will feel heard. They will feel acknowledged. This builds rapport and good listening skills.
A third way to be more mindful in the way we communicate is to resist the need to react to the other person. Responsible people respond accordingly. Reactive people will react to any little emotion that may trigger them. It is very difficult to have a conversation with someone who is only reacting to what you are saying without thinking first. ; Someone who isn’t really absorbing the information and then responding accordingly.
These are great ways to practice mindfulness when communicating with others. And if you don’t know what to say, then say just that, “I love you and I don’t know what to say,” And THAT is acceptable, too. Keep the conversation moving forward and the intention from both parties is to effectively communicate their point, both by listening and by speaking in a language and tone that are well-received.
That’s it for today’s podcast episode. I will leave you with this quote from Brene Brown :
“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they are never weakness. “
